Bro: I don’t like this question.

Egbert: Hmm. This is an interesting question – and yes, I guess so.

Bro: I don’t like this question.

Egbert: Hush, and let me answer. I suppose the thing that I do miss about people in past relationships is some degree of stability and sanity.

Bro: He just called me unstable and insane. Unstable and insane. Is nobody else seeing this? Screw this, I am nopeing the fuck out of here. /ollies outie

Egbert: He just got up and left the room, sulking. I’ll have to go comfort him once I finish this post. Being in a relationship with Broderick brings with it a certain lack of normalcy – the tendency to hoard apple juice and food items in closets despite ample cabinet space, the insistence on storing weapons in the fridge, the abundance of puppets lying everywhere, the ironic gestures that I don’t always quite understand… So yes, I suppose that sometimes I do miss the normalcy of people in my past relationships and the consistency of those relationships. With that said, I still wouldn’t trade Broderick for the world. He can be rather wild and unpredictable, but even if it makes life a little crazy at times, it’s still one of reasons why I love him. I could never be bored with him in my life, and frankly, I don’t think I could ever return to that kind of sanity that was present in the past. To be honest, I’d get tired of it. Broderick makes my life thrilling, and I couldn’t ask for a better person to be with.

Egbert: And now I ought to go find him so I can reassure him of that. He’s probably brooding on the roof again. I don’t think he likes to think about my having been in relationships before him.

Bro: Yeah. I guess it means we’re not, biologically speaking anyway. Doesn’t mean we’re not brothers though, ‘cause you’re right, family is more than blood. I’d never call the fuckers who had me then abandoned me family. Even if I’ve got their genetics, they’re no family of mine. They might be my father and mother, but they sure ain’t my dad and mom. Dave and Lil’ Cal are family. And Egbert and John too, by proxy.

Bro: So no, we’re not related by blood. Although sometimes, I’ve gotta wonder, with the eye and hair color… Anyway, I never managed to find his parents. I looked, believe me. Watched the news every night, checked every single paper I could find in the convenience store for months… Not a single news story about a missing baby, no one looking for a lost kid, nothing. I wasn’t about to go turn Dave into the police and risk losing him and dooming him to a miserable, parentless life. Those bastards left him all alone in the streets in purpose and never bothered to look for him again, the fuckers. And they didn’t want to be found either, so all of my searching did jack.

Bro: Whatever. Dave had me to take care of him. We had each other, and that’s all we needed. Fuck biological parents, they never gave a shit about either of us. Striders vs. the world.

 Bro: Y’know, this is kind of a hard question to answer. Not ‘cause I don’t love my little bro, but ‘cause it’s hard to figure out how to put it in words. Alright, well, I guess one thing I love about him is that he’s a nerd.

Egbert: I think the point of this question was to compliment him, Broderick, not insult him.

Bro: It is a compliment! Just hear me out, okay? He follows all the chief rules of cool and everything, but there’s this geek inside of him that’s always trying to push its way out of him like a chestburster from Alien. And if you look at him close enough, you can almost see that alien geek straining to burst free from the confines of his torso… Anyways, he’s not half as cool as me no matter how hard he tries, but then, nobody is, and he’s kind of a nerd even if he tries not to show it – but I like that about Dave. It’s what makes him him. The one and only Dave Strider. And if there’s one thing that a Strider is, it’s unique as fuck.

Bro: I guess I also like that he’s strong, y’know? Don’t tell him I said this or it’ll go to his head, but he’s getting good when we strife. I actually have to work to beat him. I know it sounds kinda superficial, being all “I like that he’s strong,” but he’s come a long way and he’s worked his ass off for it, and that’s one of my favorite things about him. He doesn’t give up. Kid makes me proud.

Bro: So, one more thing, huh? Cornball alert here, but I guess my favorite thing about him is basically that he’s starting to be himself. He always wanted to be just like me, growing up. And now he’s finally getting out of his big bro’s shadow and not worrying so much what I, and everyone else, think about him. And that’s cool.

Bro: Man, that was hard. And I still don’t know if I managed to really get it down in words. He’s my little bro, my kid, and even if I’m hard on him sometimes, I love him. Always did, always will.

Bro: That’s really all there is to say on the matter.

Egbert: Broderick found it equally hilarious, I assure you. I wasn’t with him when he got the idea to draw that comic and put it in his reply (which would be why that post has not been sanctioned by me) but I became aware of it when I found him cracking up with laughter for some bizarre reason. We had been hoping to answer some questions tonight, but I think it might just be best if I took him to bed and we tried again in the morning. Goodnight, folks.

Egbert: Well, some people might not be so thrilled about a comic depicting members of the Muppets about to engage in sexual activities whilst smoking and drinking. And since I am reasonably certain we lost a follower after he posted that, I thought it was prudent to put out an apology just in case.

Egbert: I think the most difficult struggle when raising John was the simple act of being a single parent. I think that every new parent has experienced that moment when it’s late at night, your baby is crying and being unresponsive to everything you try, and you realize, “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.” At least when you have a partner when raising a child, you have someone else to bear the load with you and to confess those worries to. When John entered my life, I was single at the time and had just lost my dear mother, so it got lonely at times without a support network available. Another challenge was balancing work with spending time with my son, which was not an easy task, especially when he was very young. I was fortunate enough that my workplace had a daycare that employees could use, so I made use of those services. I could visit him during my lunch-break, and I made it a point of leaving work early so that we could spend time together at home as a family.

Egbert: As for another struggle that I had not foreseen when raising John… well, as he got older, I think he realized that he didn’t really want to spend time with his old dad anymore. He made friends elsewhere and wasn’t interested in doing anything with his father, not even things we once enjoyed doing as a family, such as baking cakes or playing the piano. I thought that perhaps his interests had shifted, and after finding drawings that he had made of harlequins, I tried to reciprocate those interests in the hopes of closing that gap between us… well, that was disastrous, and he finally told me that he hated harlequins and must have been sleepwalking when he scribbled those drawings. When we moved to Texas for my job, I made it a point to leave that behind and to start anew. Things seemed to improve between us, and he opened up to me more. I suppose he was just going through a moody preteen phase at the time, but still. I have to wonder where I failed as a father to make him close off to me like that and make him want to avoid me. Did I not spend enough time with him and too much time at work when he was young? Was it because he didn’t have a mother in his life, despite my efforts to be both a mom and a dad to him? I don’t know.

Bro: You did good, Egbert, raising him. You’re a good dad and a good man. It ain’t easy, raising a kid by yourself. And maybe John’s still too young to appreciate all the shit you went through trying to do that, but fuck it. He still turned it out alright in the end. You did a good job.

snoopdong:

“Cuddleuppets are your two most favorite things rolled up into one! A blanket that cuddles! And a puppet that plays!”

The only thing rolled up here is the fat blunt these blankets blazed 5 minutes ago

Bro: I know we don’t usually reblog shit ever, but holy fuck where can I get my hands on one of these.

Egbert: If you even think about bringing one of those into our bedroom, I will be permanently relocating to the living room couch.

Bro: Just look at that video, shit, I can do so much with these!

Egbert: Oh my lord.

Bro: Coming soon to plushrump.com…

(via spacereporterulala)

Egbert: Well, it’s not so much a matter of me not letting him, per se… It’s more that he’s rather forceful about exactly how he wants things, and that usually results in, er, that. Still. The first and only Strider Rider, is it?

Bro: Heh.

Egbert: What? Do you like the sound of that?

Bro: Y’know, I think I do. Not usually what I automatically go for when I’m being all dominant and shit, but I think I can roll with that.

Egbert: Well. In that case, we might need to experiment and get back to you on that.